Talking About Um Sexual Um Education

Had an interesting talk last night with the woman who cuts my hair – I think I’d go to her just because of the conversation, but she’s also seriously talented with scissors. We were talking Pie in the Sky about schools – the conversation I have most these days. It starts like this: What should schools do that they aren’t doing? From there it can go absolutely everywhere.

She spoke about the lack of healthy education about sex and sexuality, and how that’s such a shame, since teens are pretty much focussed on two things: developing their identities and figuring out sex. Sex Ed as it is now is essentially “How to Not Get Sick or Pregnant” – maybe “You Shouldn’t Do It But We Know You’re Going To, So…” What would Sex Education look like if it WASN’T like this?

We can barely talk about sex – me included – without the puritan leftover of shame-plaque clogging our mental arteries. Even my participation in this conversation was short and embarrassed, and I wanted to be having the conversation, know that shame is a mess, and do believe sex ed can be better. But the killer question eventually arose: how can we do better at teaching something if the adults in society don’t have the knowledge to transmit? This question ALWAYS comes up towards the end of the pie in the sky conversation, and it’s a real stumper.

Of course, there are things to be done. Conscious efforts can be made, excellent texts employed. Education can be mass-dispersed – like the drinking and driving blitz in the 1980s. But really, it seems frequently that what’s truly needed is for us to take ten years off and recast the entire system. Twenty or thirty if we’re going to unlearn shame and puritanism. Maybe a hundred. We need to send the kids to Disneyland for a while, fix shit, and bring them back. Which is of course impossible.

That’s why schools and education develop so incrementally: we’re like astronauts fixing the space shuttle IN OUTER SPACE. It has to be done on the fly. Never mind that the astronauts are scared, that most of the astronauts don’t see or understand the need to fix things, that the fixes are costly and complicated. Even at our very best we have to move slowly and carefully. Part of that movement is conversation, though, and I’m glad to be having it whenever possible, with anyone who wants to talk.

What would good sex education look like? Any thoughts? And yes, I’ll be monitoring them, so don’t post anything sick please. Cheers.

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ADDENDUM:

Wow, Kismet, this is true: After writing the above bit, I went to This American Life (www.thislife.org) to find a right-on podcast to listen to while I worked, and I clicked on one called “How To Talk To Kids.” The second chapter of the podcast was about Talking to Kids about Sex. Some teens who started a magazine called Sex Etc explain why they needed it; kids review their sex ed classes; families talk about how to have the Conversation. It’s a great show. You can hear it here.

Tags: sex education